Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
