Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
