where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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