Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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