it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
