Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
