you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
