PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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