i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
People in love make me want to vomit
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
