I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
