rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
