No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
