dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
