The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
