You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
