think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
