these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
