I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
