I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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