my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
