i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
