Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
