If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
