If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
