I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
