I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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