Plan B is the new Plan A
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
