why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
