She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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