he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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