i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
