we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
