I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
