FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
