dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
