We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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