I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
