I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
