he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
