I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
