if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
