i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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