wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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