Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
