i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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