Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
