Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
