He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
