i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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