and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
