people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
